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December 24th, 2009

12:25 am - As 2009 nears to an end...
1 more week or so, it will already be 2010. How time flies. And i will be freaking 25 next year! My last year's resolution was not even fulfilled, so i've decided not to make one this year. Let me recap my 2009.

2009's new year was an uneventful one. I remembered feeling heartbroken. And a month later, i finally took the courage to leave. I remembered hating that girl can appear in our lives. Earlier this year, i was getting closer to my colleague, Nadia. I thank God for bringing her to my life. She's an amazing, awesome friend, who i claimed to be my bestie in just a short time of knowing her. As the days goes on, i was introduced to her long time best friend, Ash'raff. Yes yes, my current bf. Went tru shits, being stood up. HAHAHA. i hate u for doing that k! but i forgive u. bluek. Dated for bout 3 mths, and got together in July. Love wasn't just about rainbows and roses. I sacrificed to be the first in your life, out of love, understanding, and taking my chances. It was a crazy decision, which i ponder about for quite a while, and of course, unwanted challenges which tested my faith in you. Ex-es keep coming back, bitches still wandering around, but i still stood my ground, shielding. Alhamdullilah, we made through near the end of 2009, together.

Friendship with my muthafuckas have been better. Even though there are misunderstandings and catfights (haha), i still love each and everyone of you. Hanom, Nani, Rai, Horny. You girls are the spice of my life. W/o u girls, i would be nothing. Always being there for each other. Love love. =) 6 years and counting..

Family, always there. Yes i know sometimes i took things for granted, but i will never forget my responsibilties as a daughter and an elder sister (not a good example though) hahahah. I treasure and cherish everyone of you. Mum, dad, nysha and rina. Love you to bits.

And not forgetting Nurul, who have seen my ugliest side! ahhahahahaah. Jangan putus asa k....me and nysha will always be there.

Wah it seems mcm speech gitu. Some sort of goodbye 2009 speech. hehe.

P/S: Can't wait for 24th, 25th, 26th, 31st.

Love,
Azeana

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December 22nd, 2009

never_ever_love

09:58 pm - I promised myself I wouldn't beat around the bush...
But I am. and he's noticing. he's noticing how we don't talk as much and he doesn't like that. So crap. I'm hurting him before the actual break up (If I ever get the guts to do that) and that's not what I wanted to do. I wanted to be as fair and honest as I could, but apparently I am unable to do that without having to force myself to. I don't know, but I feel like shit about this.

All I wanted was you.

That song made me cry this morning.

I was thinking of Jacob.
Current Mood:

melancholy
Current Music: Paramore

Tags: boys, confused

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never_ever_love

05:03 pm - I like the weather channel music. But that's just me.
I knew that some day you would make me cry. And I also know that you'll never know about those tears. The feelings I have for you are so strong they're dangerous. They're strong enough to make my knees buckle and send me to the floor in tears. It seemed like no reason but I cried. I want everything to be right, but I also know that it isn't just going to happen. I'm going to have to make it happen. To make myself happy again, or at least at peace, I'm going to have to break up with him. Him, not you. He is the person causing all of this distress. You are the one who makes me feel this way. You are the one who could fix all of this. But you wont. I have to for my own good. To save any chances we will ever have together. In the process I will hurt him and I will hurt myself. But it will be worth it in the end, right?
Current Mood:

melancholy
Current Music: carol of the bells (weather channel version)

Tags: boys, confused

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December 21st, 2009

never_ever_love

09:30 pm - Attention, Attention
Attention! Attention!
May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room,
If only, if only for one second,
Will you hear what I have to say?
Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell?
Due to the fact that we could have something that'll never happen
Will you hear what I have to say?

It's finally winter break, and I'm still confused about what to do. I don't like Masa enough. I like Jacob too much. There's a problem in this, and it's not hard to figure out. Even without Jacob in this equation, I can't stay with Masa much longer. I don't like him enough to keep with this and I don't feel like I should string him along just because I think he's okay. He's nice, funny, and attractive, but I don't enjoy myself around him and I'm not really attracted to him. It's like just being friends but he likes me a lot. I have no idea how to break up with a guy... I never really considered that when I got into this mess. Jacob and I still talk on facebook some nights, not as often I think, but if I'm not misled, he still likes me too. He smiles at me in the hallways. Like on friday before break started, he was at his friends locker which is a few down from mind, and he smiled and waved before he left. There was something different about that smile. It wasn't his amused smile or his polite smile. It was just a smile. A beautiful smile. A smile that still makes me smile when I think of it. He's in Florida right now (lucky guy) so he's missing all the cold. I get to go to Berlin, Wisconsin. FUNNN. But I have been spending a lot of time with my friends in the past few days.

Friday we dressed up and went downtown, and we originally planned on eating at Atlas, but we forgot that we needed a reservation so we ended up at Z'mariks and then back to Sophie's house to eat brownies and watch star trek while playing foosball. That was fun. Then Sunday everyone came over to my house for a christmas party. Nikki and Molly made a giant pass the parcel with reject toys from the Ronald McDonnald house XD Today a few of us went to see the blind side and hung out at the mall for a while. I had my mom come pick me up rather than have Sophie take me home because I found a dress that I wanted to show her so she could make it a christmas present (because my mom has NO idea what to get me) but she didn't want to have to wrap it so she just bought it and gave it to me. While I was at the mall I ran into Masa, and I wasn't really happy. Idk, I made sure I appeared happy, but I was so tired and confused and frustrated (mostly with myself) I didn't want to deal with him at that moment.

The song "Attention" by the Academy Is... describes how I feel about Jacob right now. Although I could type the chorus a thousand time, I don't think my point would be made.

Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell due to the fact that we could have something that will never happen?

Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell due to the fact that we could have something that will never happen?

Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell due to the fact that we could have something that will never happen?

Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell due to the fact that we could have something that will never happen?

Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell due to the fact that we could have something that will never happen?

Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell due to the fact that we could have something that will never happen?

Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell due to the fact that we could have something that will never happen?

Seven times the charm.
I find myself correcting my own grammar, especially when I type....
Current Mood:

confused
Current Music: The Academy Is...

Tags: boys, confused, vent

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December 19th, 2009

ommanipemehung

12:13 pm - овчарки - клёвэ собакэ. у бабушки был пёс Шаман.
Щенки овчарки бесплатно. В Обнинске (90 км от Москвы) закрывают питомник, где разводят немецких овчарок и лабрадоров. Сейчас щенков раздают желающим БЕСПЛАТНО. Они воспитанные, умные и дрессированные. Кого не успеют отдать - понятно что, трагично. Телефон питомника в Обнинске: 8(499)742-35-04 8(495)508-52-47 Копипаст приветствуется. Родная тема тут.

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ommanipemehung

11:45 am - You live too long in Russia
...if
( Read more... )

Также есть весьма вольный перевод здесь. Enjoy )

Tags: facts of life

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ommanipemehung

11:29 am - ***